Outline

Hi,

This is the outline of my friend's work (adywirayasa12.blogspot.com). I tried to give some comments of his work. I hope i wouldn't make any mistake, hahaha. You can check his page, too.

SHARE HAPPINESS WITH HUGS

By Adi Wirayasa (adywirayasa12.blogspot.com)

Title                                    : Share happiness with hugs

Topic sentence                    : He was walking in the downtown and offering free hugs for everyone.

a.    Major supporting sentence 1 :

·         But at the beginning of this video, some people tried to keep a distance with him because people might think that he was insane or else.

Minor supporting sentence :

·         But the situation was changed when an elder woman come to him and asked to get a hug from him and the man was hugging old woman gladly.

·         Many people pay an attention to the man when he was hug the old woman, and after that some people wanted to get a free hugs from the man too.

·         Everybody whether male, female, old and young wanted to get a free hugs from the man and that was so sweet.

b.    Major supporting sentence 2 :

·         In the middle of this video, the event "Free Hugs" that conducted by the man was banned by the police.

Minor supporting sentence :

·         The man tried to explain what was the purpose of the event.

·         After that, the police allowed him to continued his event and the other people started to do the same.

c.     Major supporting sentence 3 :

·         They give a free hugs to everyone and during the event, the man give a signature list to the people who wanted to get a free hug and supported this event.

Minor supporting sentence :

·         Finally, the target of signature was reached.

·         10 thousand signatures was reached by the man

·         And then to celebrate the success of his action, many people give free hugs and hugging each other.

d.    Concluding sentence :

·         That was so sweet because this video wants to tell us that it's important to share our love to the other, share the happiness to the other people and respect to each other. At last, this video is so great and of course it was so sweet

e.    Grammar :

·         Many people pay an attention to the man when he was hug the old woman,"

I think that it should be :

"Many people paid an attention to the man when he was hugging the old woman"

·         But the situation was changed when an elder woman come to him and asked to get a hug from him and the man was hugging old woman gladly.

I think that should be :

“But the situation was changed when an elder woman came to him and asked to get a hug from him and the man was hugging old woman gladly.”

·         Everybody whether male, female, old and young wanted to get a free hugs from the man and that was so sweet.

I think this sentence should be :

“Everybody whether male, female, old and young wanted to get a free hug(free hugs) from the man and that was so sweet.”

·         After that, the police allowed him to continued his event and the other people started to do the same.

I think it should be :

“After that, the police allowed him to continue his event and the other people started to do the same.”

·         And then to celebrate the success of his action, many people give free hugs and hugging each other.

I think it should be :

“And then to celebrate the success of his action, many people give free hugs and then hug each other.”

·         That was so sweet because this video wants to tell us that it's important to share our love to the other, share the happiness to the other people and respect to each other.

I think it should be :

“That was so sweet because this video wants to tell us that it's important to share our love and the happiness to the other people and also respect to each other.”

f.     Vocabulary    :         

·         -

g.    Mechanic   :

·         Good